Taking my own spiritual temperature can be challenging. Self-condemnation plunges the gauge off the chart. When I judge how I have loved my neighbor, I am not overly jubilant. I have given away a coat or two but certainly not my favorite one. There is a resistance to that depth of giving. A deep pit of selfishness periodically interferes with my struggle to act like Jesus.
So what is my problem?
I have concluded I have skimmed over the first commandment to love God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength. Fifty years ago I read Watchman Nee’s classic book, The Normal Christian Life, in which he states that a saint’s normal daily life is one dead to self. Really?
Considering that truth plunges my spiritual temperature to a new low. Pondering periodically that truth to dying to self, pierces jagged holes in my dark protective glasses. The laser beams of the society surround me fracturing my concentration on the reality of Jesus. The siren calls to beauty, success, popularity, comfort, and entertainment cause spiritual shipwreck. How is it I don’t discern the true call of my Creator?
Deep within wells up a cry for the love of God to consume me with His fiery presence.
I realize He cannot flow through me unless I clean out the hose.
If I place the world’s pleasures on one side of a cosmic scale and God’s pleasures on the other, I am aware there is no contest but unfortunately, logic doesn’t always rule. So a battle rages with my will as the crux.
I have often lamented to Father God I wished He hadn’t bestowed on me so much free will. I definitely do not appreciate this gift when I’m taking my spiritual temperature.
I think I must discard this thermometer and cry out for Him to draw me close to His heart.