Is it NATURE or NURTURE that causes people to be what they are? Our natural strengths are genetically wired and we are able to do things consistently and easily. We enjoy doing it, we will lose track of time and feel energized afterwards. Our nurtured strengths are those things we have learned through experience, which we can do but takes effort and does not come naturally, it can be draining.
Learned behavior is a skill or adaptation we learn to meet a real or perceived need. Some learned behaviors are healthy and some unhealthy. We can identify learned behaviors in people we talk with by observing attributes that do not seem to match up, by asking questions to discover why they do certain things and by learning about their background. Emotional needs drive the behaviors and are the best indicators of knowing one’s true personality.
Emotional need is the desire to feel safe, loved, valued, stimulated, affirmed, appreciated and capable to be understood. As part of our genetic make-up, we are born with an inbuilt drive to meet a set of physical and emotional needs. When these needs are well met, the brain triggers the release of chemicals that gives a feeling of satisfaction or contentment. We all need to feel that our lives have meaning and value.
Expressing our needs and building relational connections are closely intertwined; they are completely dependent on one another. We simply cannot build a strong bond of trust without being able to communicate and meet one another’s emotional needs. A safe place for intimacy is created when two people can express their needs and consistently complete the trust cycle for one another in a relationship. Intimacy- “into-me-see”- is created between two people who can say, “We can be ourselves together because you can see into me and I can see into you.
Some people need affection and attention, some a sense of control and loyalty, some support and space and others respect and peace.
What are your emotional needs? Are they being met?