I was right and he was wrong. But he insisted he was right and I was wrong. The argument got louder and louder until I walked out of the room in weariness.
Frequent disagreements tore us apart emotionally and destroyed the closeness we once felt. I feared our quarrels doomed us to constant unrest. I even thought I might leave since we didn’t get along.
When I discovered the personality types I found a tool to understand why we kept fighting. Our struggle to control turned us into a two-headed monster going nowhere. We share a lot of the Choleric personality traits. We both want control and believe our way is right. One of us had to budge.
You may argue because you have two different personalities. Problems arise when Popular Sanguine wants to have fun and Powerful Choleric wants control. Perhaps Perfect Melancholy wants the room neat and tidy, but Peaceful Phlegmatic doesn’t care about a few dirty dishes.
Your shared personality characteristics may cause the conflict. You both want the closets in perfect order, yet your ideas of perfect differ. Or neither person wants to disturb the peace, therefore you can’t decide on a restaurant and sit at home eating leftovers.
If you bicker often, consider your personalities. Which person wants adventure? Who want’s control? Which one desires to make life perfect and which craves peace? Is the squabble due to a personality clash?
The Bible encourages us to do everything we can to live in peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18) I wanted to stop quarreling and live in harmony with my husband.
I learned to discuss the key issues and recognize the ones which didn’t matter as much. Not every concern was a major issue. I also chose to follow my husband’s lead in our home and not challenge him for control. (Ephesians 5:21-23) In most situations, I made the adjustment and followed his guidance. We set aside time for the items I felt significant enough to discuss and try to resolve.
The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Neibuhr provides a guide to sort the critical issues from the rest. It asks God to help us change the things we can, accept the things we can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference. Most decisions we can accept. We understand it’s different than ours, but it’s not a big deal. Plan a time to discuss the difficult issue, listen to each other, and seek a reasonable solution.
Do you fight with your husband because of similar personalities or due to your differences?